This week "Insect : Hero or Villain Magazine?" (IM) carried out an interview with the globally renown 9 Ton Mantis. The results were a startling insight into the mind of a rambling moron.

IM - What nationality do you classify as?
9TM - Err...Preying Mantis. Is that not obvious? Do I need a touch more green you think?
IM - What languages can you speak?
9TM - English, some dreadful French & Mantis
IM - And whats your favourite colour?
9TM - Green. Hold the front page huh?
IM - What are you likes?
9TM - What d'yer mean "what am I like"?! Are you starting?
IM - No no! I mean what do you like to do?
9TM - Oh I see. Hang out on leaves looking for things to eat mainly.
IM - And your dislikes?
9TM - Finding things that want to eat me. That can ruin you're whole day.
IM - Do you have any hobbies?
9TM - A few, chess, intricate hand embroidery, cricket (why are you laughing?), screaming at the TV when the footy's on, playing the Devil's advocate game and my favourite hobby is painting a white outline of murder victims on soft furnishings.
IM - Your favourite food?
9TM - Curried wombat
IM - If you could invite any 3 people to dinner who would it be & why?
9TM - Hmm, good question. I think the first would be Spike Milligan for his surreal wit to diffuse difficult conversation impasses.
The second has to be Leonardo Da Vinci, an ancient & inventive intellect to bounce mad ideas off.
And finally, the first of our common ancestors who climbed out of the tree to see what the fuss was about.
I'd kick his arse so hard back up that trunk it wouldn't know what week it was in...

IM - 9 Ton Mantis, thanks for your time.
9TM - No problem. You gonna eat that?